The Crazy Lady and Splinter Flop

I want to scream this from the rooftops right off the bat. Do not under any circumstances buy Splinter Cell Blacklist. Great battle mechanics, but woefully short. And by woefully short, I mean a total of 5.5 hours IF you play it Ghost Style. Spending $60 on this game makes me feel like T-Boss bent me over the prison sink. The online portion is another reminder of why I don't keep an Xbox Live membership. These fucking ten year olds spend their entire day finding every single glitch and hiding spot and immediately kill you before you even have the chance to press start, but I digress, on that anyways. My second biggest gripe is that Michael Ironside didn't do the voice of Sam Fisher for the first time ever.  Sam Fisher now sounds like some 19 year old emo scene kid. The voice does not match at all. All because Ubisoft wanted to jump on the action band wagon and said that Mr. Ironside was too old. You've got to be fucking kidding me! Sam Fisher is over 50 now! And he's supposed to sound like a badass! Not some queer that cuts himself so he can feel. My niece has a deeper, more threatening voice than the delicate flower that voiced Sam this go around. Moving on...


The Crazy Lady. I wonder how some people manage to remember to breathe when I run across the random lunatics in our society. Furthermore, speech comprehension is at an all time low. Case in point;.Crazy Lady pulls up to the shop and is livid that her "change oil" light is on in her car. Maintenance reminder lights are for people who suck at math but that's a whole nuther' post. Before realizing that she was 10,000 miles overdue for an oil change, I simply told her to get out of the car and I would be happy to reset it for her. (At this point, this heifer had already pissed in my Wheaties with her vicious redneck attitude so I was ready to just see her go.) She refused. She starting shouting "I know how to do it I don't need you for that. Ok, I thought. I then asked her if there was anything else I could do for her while contemplating a plan to escape from her line of vision and let someone else listen to her bitch. She then starting shouting about her change oil light again. This time I explained to her that her engine's control module had an algorithm built into it that calculates engine run time and loading to notify the driver when maintenance is due. All she heard was "Ilkndw dnfdkwler darupolke derp derp derp." She then accused me of being a "smarty pants." At this point you all know that this is pure torture to me because I was in uniform and had to maintain my composure. I still frequently daydream of the things I would say had I been out and about in my regular clothes and she spoke to me like that. While still mumbling something about her change oil light that she refuses to let me reset, she jumps out of the car and says "I need my coolant checked." Startled and reaching for the only weapon I had at my disposal, my pen,  I then relaxed when I realized she wasn't trying to eat me. I ask her to pop the hood. After the most uncomfortable 30 seconds of my life watching this cellulite monster finger blast her dash looking for the hood release and against my better judgement, I asked her if she would like me to find the hood release for her. Bad idea. She shouted "I don't need nobody to do it for me! I can do it myself!"She then sat back down in the car. At this point, I was genuinely afraid that this person had bodies in her basement. Anyway, she sits there for a second, then suddenly grabs my arm and sticks it in front of one of her dash vents. With her other hand, she turns the ac on and says "That don't feel cold does it?" I didn't say anything. At this point, I was thinking that I could ram my pen through her eye socket and she would be forced to release my arm. Luckily, I broke free. I told her to see the counterperson about an AC service and that it wasn't something I could check in the parking lot because I need specialized equipment to test the system. She then smirked and said "You must think I'm an idiot." (Secretly, in my head, I shouted yes!) She then said " I know my coolant is low and that's why my air isn't cold." My jaw hit the pavement. Here I am with a dumbfounded look on my face because this neanderthal is convinced that a little bit of coolant will make her air blow cold. Which, for the record was already freezing cold. It's just she was every bit of 400 lbs. There isn't an ac system in the world that could make someone that insulated comfortable in Georgia summers. I tried to explain to her that coolant has nothing to do with the air conditioning system and again prompted her to go speak to the counterperson about an AC service. She flat out refused, called me a liar, and demanded that her coolant be topped off so that her air would work. I gave up. I then walked back in the shop and sent one of our new hires out to top her coolant off. Needless to say that she accosted him much the same. So much so that when she finally left, he came in and told me to go fuck myself for sending him out there. Haha

The moral of the story is that people like this not only inhabit the Earth, they own cars and share the same roads as you. Buckle up.