Wisdom: A maiden out of my league

I'm not perfect, far from it actually. Then again, perfection in the human species is subjective I suppose. I've never tried to pretend that I am some prince on a white horse or that I'm the most interesting man in the world. People frequently categorize my random cockiness and, in some cases, blunt arrogance with the aforementioned, but they have me all wrong. It is true that I try to seek out attention in social gatherings and while intoxicated I go from seeking to pretty much demanding. I am certainly an asshole but know that it was never my intention to be. I've grown a lot in the last few years and can honestly admit when I'm wrong. My grudge count has been significantly reduced as I've come to realize that whatever someone did to me to piss me off, I've done it to someone else before. Social creatures cannot survive in solitude and though I sometimes pretend everything is going to be alright without people, I know that I am not exempt from the rule. I've made my share of mistakes in this journey. I've broken hearts, spit on dreams, and stepped on heads to get a leg up. While I still find this acceptable to do to strangers, I've learned that it is no way to treat a friend. Economics aside (As I will ALWAYS be a capitalist pig), I think sometimes one has to stop being so self-serving. I have been obnoxiously selfish lately and it's really starting to sting. I remember the first time I told a girl that I loved her. I still feel guilty to this day because the only reason I did it was so that I could get my fingers down her pants. It worked, but it only did so because she believed me. At the time I didn't care, but I compromised my honesty and it wasn't the right thing to do. Now I know that there are several ways to get panties off legitimately and without dishonesty. Women don't have to be tricked into it. As it turns out, scientifically speaking, women desire intimacy more than men. Sometimes all one has to do is simply ask. Mutual understanding is a virtue. That aside, sometimes honesty has to be tamed for the sake of not making an ass out of one's self. By that I mean that one can't go to a party and allow himself to become so inebriated that his insane jealousy of an ex's happiness makes him act a damn fool. It's as if a few shots of Canadian injector cleaner and a gallon or two of beer takes the lock off of his lips. Hell, it's like a God damn competition to see how many friends he can piss off in the least amount of time. Sign me up if it ever becomes an Olympic event; I'll make America proud. I've hurt and been hurt as a result. I've summoned Defcon levels of anger from those I am supposed to care about. I just couldn't stop twisting the knife in the wound and because of this, apologies make ineffective bandages. I feel like a one-legged man in an ass-kicking competition. Though my heart is there, my efforts are futile. I can't beat myself up forever over it but I can learn from the experience. Wisdom plays hard to get and I suppose I'll have to take my lumps to gain it. I believe everything happens for a reason. My goal is to not lose anymore friends this year. Wish me luck.