The World is a Cunt

In the universe of metaphors, "The World is a Cunt" is perhaps the most accurate. All we can hope for is a pair of nonstick goggles when the Mother Earth decides to douse us with a monthly tidal wave of bloody uterine waste. No matter how well events can be going in life, someone will always be there to fuck it up for you, bank on it. Forwards is backwards and up is down; The nicer you are to people, the harder they'll fuck you when they get the chance. I'll never understand why that is, but if science says that repeating an experiment over and over again and getting the same result is proof, it's scientific fact that people suck. Know that in the brief periods of life that you're enjoying yourself, you can look in the mirror and be certain that someone, somewhere, is planning on fucking you over. It makes you wonder why civility beckons you to ask a stranger, "Hey, how are you?" when really, a better question to ask would be, "Hey, who fucked you over today?". Civility and reality are not bedfellows though, which makes sense considering up is down.

All one has to do is turn on the news to understand just how big of a swollen, purple cunt the world is. The Middle East might as well be on fire. Hell has broken loose in Libya. But why? We have known for 42 years that Muammar Gaddafi is a cunt of the highest order. Why haven't we evacuated his cranium long before it came to this? The same could be said of countless other tyrants who have grown to become cancers when we could of dropped them like a UPS package long before they became newsworthy. What can Brown(ing) do for you?

Over a thousand people have been killed by the Gaddafi loyalists since events started to unfold ten days ago. You don't have to look very far to find an American whose chronic guilt syndrome will try fruitlessly to rationalize that it is our fault. I'm all for free and open debate, but these conspiracy theorists are really starting to grind on my last fucking nerve. 9/11? George Bush's fault. Starving children in Africa? George Bush's fault. It burns when you pee? George Bush's fault. Missed your flight? George Bush's fault. Note to all chronic, unfounded, ridiculous, and foolish believers of every theory that can pin the ills of this cuntish world on George Bush; Get a fucking life. I can no longer entertain your retarded assumptions. Now put your tin-foil hat back on and go light a shrine to Ron Paul in your mother's basement like a good little cooch.

Wisconsin Democrats are all but rioting in the capital of Madison. Union thugs are a bunch of big babies. Have you ever stopped to think that maybe, just fucking maybe, that the taxpayers of Wisconsin are getting tired of being bent over a barrel and dry fucked to pay for your outrageous pensions? I still can't believe that Senate Democrats have simply disappeared as to not allow the proper numbers for a vote on Governor Walker's budget bill. They are like toddlers who kick, scream, and flail their arms with their eyes shut thinking that it will all just 'go away.' Could you imagine if Republicans tried just 'leaving' during votes they knew they were going to lose? The fucking sky would fall. The Earth would open her love flaps, showing the molten yellow glow of Hellfire coming to surface. Nancy Pelosi would sprout dark black wings and begin to speak in tongues while bat demons would fly from her nether regions, pecking incessantly at the eyeballs of anyone with more than five bucks in their savings account.

Here's to hoping that a large, cotton asteroid with a string attached is headed straight for us.